The ongoing sourdough obsession is all very well, but what’s wrong with a good old loaf of supermarket sliced white bread?

If you too believe this classic carb doesn’t deserve an iota of the demonisation it often gets, you’ll know where we’re coming from with this lot…

No, it’s not just for small children. Obviously, small children are pretty clued up on the joys of sliced white bread, but why, once you hit a certain age, is opting for seeded rye suddenly expected of us? Raising us on the thin, flimsy, sweet stuff and then TAKING IT AWAY makes no sense.

Have you ever taken cut the crusts off? For dinky cucumber sandwiches, or just plain Nutella ones, cut into quarters. They make you feel like you’re an extra in Alice’s Adventures In Wonderland.

It’s the best bread for making toasted sandwiches with. And crisp sandwiches. Hands down.

You feel absolute horror when the supermarket is out of white sliced bread and instead, have to plump for wholemeal, or worse – 50/50. They’re just not the same.

It’s pre-sliced – and for this we are oh-so grateful. The idea of grappling with a bread knife first thing in the morning really doesn’t appeal. And every time you do, you end up with wonky slices of bread that won’t fit in the toaster. Why put yourself through that when you don’t have to?

The texture is undoubtedly weird; the fact you can scrunch it into a putty, but it’s also light as air. You know it’s totally synthetic, but as far as you’re concerned, it’s a scientific and culinary marvel.

It’s the only thing to use if you’re making a bacon butty. The way it spongily takes up the butter and carries a slick of bright red ketchup, before squishing to almost nothing when you fold hot rashers of bacon between the slices. Same goes for chip butties.

It makes the best toast. Crisp, light, but also soggy in all the right places, it bends when you pick it up, but also does justice to toppings – particularly peanut butter and jam. And you can easily stand by the toaster eating slice after slice, each one just smeared with butter alone. Delicious.

Brown bread just doesn’t do the job in a bread and butter pudding. Triangles of sliced white, sprinkled with sultanas and demerara sugar, are absolutely non-negotiable.