21 January 2021

I had unprotected sex at a party – now I’m terrified I could be pregnant

21 January 2021

The problem…

“I suppose you’ll think this serves me right but just before Christmas, when restrictions weren’t so tight, I went to a party and got a bit drunk. I suppose it was the novelty of being with people again that I ended up in bed with a guy I hardly know (and yes, I know – we weren’t supposed to be having parties, but we did).

“I didn’t intend things to go as far as they did, and I suppose because neither of us were expecting it, he didn’t use a condom. He did use the withdrawal method though, so I thought I’d be OK, but I haven’t had a period this month and I’m now a couple of weeks late. I’m frightened I might be pregnant and I’m in a complete state about it.

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“I don’t have any family I can turn to for advice, as my parents are deeply religious and have always gone on at me about not having sex before marriage. They will lose it big time if they find out! I realise I’ve been an idiot and wish it would just go away, so what should I do?”

Fiona says…

“There is no point in dwelling on how this happened – but you do need to take some action now. The first step is to find out whether you are actually pregnant. You could buy a home test kit but if your period is late, if may be worth going straight to your doctor. You can call up and ask for a phone consultation in the first instance – and tell them what’s going on.

“If you’re not pregnant, then there won’t be anything further to worry about – although you did still have unprotected sex. The ‘withdrawal method’ is not a proper method of contraception, and also does not provide any protection against sexually-transmitted infections. So I would advise seeking some advice and information on these things from your GP and/or local sexual health services. You might want to explore reliable contraceptive options, as well as a chat about STIs.

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“If you are pregnant, it’s important to get appropriate advice and support – the sooner the better. As you say you don’t have anyone to talk to about this, I think it would be a good idea to contact a pregnancy counselling service. You may have some very important decisions to make about yourself and your future – these services can provide helpful and judgement-free support, whatever you decide to do.

“Although you say your parents would be horrified, it may be that you actually want to keep this pregnancy and have the baby. If that’s the case then however angry they’re going to be, they will find out eventually. Think about how you are going to approach them and what you want to say. If, on the other hand, you want to have the baby but not keep it – in other words, give it up for adoption – it’s likely that your parents will find out about this too. So that again means you need to think of how you’re going to discuss it with them.

“Your other option is to consider terminating the pregnancy and having an abortion. If that’s the route you choose, whilst it would be good to have your parents’ support, they might never need to find out. That may seem like the most attractive option to you right now, but do think carefully about what you really want and what is right for you.

“All of these decisions might be challenging, so I would encourage you to speak to someone at a Brook service (brook.org.uk), or another young people’s service. Talking to a counsellor, who can give you information and support and provide space for you to process how you really feel about this, will help you make the best decision for you.

“And it really is important that whatever you decide, you feel that it’s you who has made the decision. It is your life and your choice – and if you let anyone else decide for you, you could have regrets that are hard to live with.”

If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to [email protected] for advice. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.

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