The problem…

“I’ve been working from home since last March, and even though life was very monotonous, I felt it could have been so much worse. Then the ‘so much worse happened’ – as my fiancé went into hospital for what we thought was just a check-up. They decided he needed to be admitted and it looks as if he’s not going to be home for about six weeks.

“I’m not allowed to go and see him because of the pandemic, and I just feel so helpless and lonely without him. I have two kids at home who we were trying to homeschool, but none of us are enjoying it and I certainly don’t feel like doing this without my fiancé.

“I could cry; I feel fat and frumpy but have no energy for going for a walk or to exercise. I’m barely hanging in there. Don’t get me wrong, much as I love my kids, there are days when they are so awful, I feel I could just walk away forever.

“Life is just awful right now, and I can’t see a light on the horizon at all – when will this ever end? I just want life to be normal again. I want ‘me’ back, but when will that ever happen?”

Fiona says…

“You are going through a really difficult time – and having to work, homeschool young children, and deal with a loved one in hospital makes things much worse. Recognising that you are reaching the end of your tether and seeking help is very brave. Too many people try and soldier on without seeking support until they break.

“If things become overwhelming, do please call on the Samaritans for help (116 123) – it doesn’t matter what time of the day or night you call, there will always be someone there you can talk to, without any judgement.

“Looking at the other issues you are facing, try and find a way of talking to your fiancé, if you can, on a regular basis.It will help to reassure you (and him) if you’re able to maintain contact. If he’s not well enough to talk to you then keep in contact with his hospital, but recognise that they are in crisis-mode and may not always be able to talk.

“Could you perhaps talk to your employer to see if you can’t take compassionate leave for a while? Then at least you wouldn’t have to worry about work for a bit. Another option, which could also be very helpful, is to talk to your GP. Most are doing phone consultations, at least in the first instance. Supporting people who are having a hard time mentally or emotionally is as much a part of their job as supporting patients with physical ailments – and just taking that step can be so helpful.

“Talk to your friends and family, and perhaps your fiancé’s friends and family too. It will help with the loneliness you’re feeling, especially if you can use video calling of some kind – it really helps to see a friendly face.

“Looking at homeschooling, just do what you can; you’re not a teacher and you don’t have to become one. First and foremost, you are their mum and what your children need most right now, is what parents give best – love and support. If, some days, that means throwing your hands in the air and taking them outside to the park then do it – you and they will feel better for it. It will help if there is some structure to the day normally, especially if the children’s school is providing online lessons, but that doesn’t mean it has to be perfect.

“Hard though it may be to summon up the energy to exercise, you and your children really need this, as it really helps boosts your mood and general wellbeing. If you can get into the countryside or amongst trees, so much the better.

“Like you, I go through days wondering when this will ever end – but I know it will, I just don’t know when, putting an absolute timeline on things is not possible. We do now have the vaccine programme; numbers do appear to be going down and we’re heading towards spring. I know that will help – especially warmer weather and sunshine – but until then, reach out for help when you need it. There are people out there willing to do what they can for you, if you ask.”

If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to [email protected] for advice. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.