The problem…

“Over the last 15 years, my husband’s career has gone from strength to strength. He successfully launched his own company that was bought out 10 years ago, and then rose through the parent company and onto its board. He’s been head-hunted several times for some amazing jobs, and next month is taking up the post of director of a huge international concern.

“Obviously, I’m really pleased for him – and his success has provided a good secure home-life, free of money worries. When we married, I was only 18 and had been about to start university, but I gave it all up for him. I was happy to be the supportive wife and then mother to his children, and he’s been a wonderful husband and father – albeit a sometimes absent one.

“He’s always supported me and encouraged me to go back to university, but there was never time enough with a young family. However, lockdown has shown me that there is something missing from my life. I really want to go back into further education in some way, but I’m just not sure what I’m interested in now. On top of that, my husband’s new role will mean a certain amount of international travelling and I’m expected to go with him, which might make it difficult.

“The thing I’m worried most about though is, at 43, am I too old to go back to university?”

Fiona says…

“A relationship where only one partner grows can easily become one-sided, and that puts it at risk. Quite often, one-sided relationships fail – and so I think you’re right to want to achieve something for yourself.

“You’ve given your husband unconditional support while he’s grown his career, so wanting to achieve something for yourself now is something he should support too. Hopefully, your husband will see it the same way, and that may mean you won’t always be able to be at his side.

“You are certainly not too old to go back to studying – if you did, you’d find many other mature students of your age and even older. However, huge numbers of university courses have now had to turn to being taught remotely – and that change may be even beneficial for you.

“There are, though, many distance learning options you could consider. The most obvious of these would be the Open University (open.ac.uk), which has been running degree, vocational and many other courses for a great many years. A foundation course with the OU might give you an idea of the route you want to go down.

“However, the Open University isn’t the only option for distance learning; a great many other universities and colleges have expanded their offerings to go down this route. They’ve realised that not everyone has the luxury of being able to take two or three years out to attend a place of learning. More and more people want to expand their educational horizons, but in their own time.

“A quick online search will give you numerous options – in fact, I suspect you’ll be spoiled for choice. Although you’re probably safe with the well-known and well-established universities and colleges, if you find yourself interested in something unusual, you’ll want to be sure it’s credible. Check the Open & Distance Learning Quality Council (odlqc.org.uk), which has a very helpful guide, ‘The Learners Guide to Choosing an Open and Distanced Learning Course’.

“I hope you find your husband and family give you the back-up and support you’ll need to achieve the objectives you set yourself.”

If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to [email protected] for advice. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.