The problem…

“I work as a nurse, which means long shifts, while my husband has been working from home. My cousin, who lives close by, has been part of our bubble and because she’s always been like a sister to me, I was happy to have her around.

“It never bothered me that she was often there when I came home, and I didn’t think anything of it. However, last week I got in early to find my husband and her having sex. I was so stunned that I just screamed and ran back to my car, shaking.

“My cousin left immediately, and my husband came out and tried to explain that he was sorry and hadn’t meant to do this. He said it was the first time it had happened and that it was me he loved. He promised nothing like this would ever happen again and was clearly very frightened that I’d leave him.

“I was too stunned to listen; I just sat in the car and cried. Eventually, I had to go into the house, but I didn’t speak to him and haven’t done so since, despite several attempts by him to talk about what happened.

“I feel so confused and hurt and there’s no one I can talk to about this. My mum called yesterday, and I just couldn’t talk to her properly – she knew something was wrong and kept asking me, but what could I say? I pretended it was the pressure of work getting to me, but how could they do this to me? How can I look either of them in the face again after this?”

Fiona says…

“You’ve been hurt very badly by two people that you have, until now, loved and trusted without question. They’ve betrayed that trust, and what you do next will largely depend on whether you’re prepared to forgive your husband. If you’re not, then divorce would seem to be the obvious solution.

“These are extraordinary times though, and some people are behaving in ways that they would normally never do. However, if you do think you might want to attempt to rescue your marriage, then you will have to talk about what has happened.

“Right now, you are still very hurt and in shock, so this won’t be easy, but your husband needs to know how badly he has hurt you. The only way he will understand that is if you explain how you are feeling – and if this means you getting angry, so be it.

“He also needs to understand that it is not going to be easy to re-establish the trust between you, and that if he genuinely still loves you, the onus is on him to do this. He will need to be patient. The whole process is likely to be painful and I suspect that you find it helpful to contact a Relate counsellor (relate.org.uk) for support and guidance.

“I’m sure that what happened wasn’t normal behaviour for either of them, and as your husband is so worried and is trying to talk to you, then I’m sure he regrets it.

“They say blood is thicker than water but building a relationship with your cousin again will probably be very hard indeed. It may never be as close as the ‘sisterly’ relationship you had before. Without going into detail, it might be an idea to talk to your mother. You could certainly do with someone to talk to right now who you can feel you can trust.”

If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to [email protected] for advice. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.