The problem…

“Over the past few months of regular work Zoom calls, I’ve got to know people in our organisation better than I had before. It’s been interesting to see inside people’s homes and find out a bit more about them. There’s one man that I really seem to have hit it off with – we’d not met before these calls as we’re in different departments.

“During an online training session, we were paired off together for an exercise. We found out we had so much in common and since then we’ve started online chatting privately outside the group sessions too, usually every day.

“It’s no surprise that he has since become a good friend and we’ve started to confide in each other about things that are bothering us. There’s so much to worry about right now, and to have someone I feel I can trust is wonderful. However, far from being happy, I am now very confused.

“At some stage in the past few weeks, I’ve realised that my feelings of friendship for this man have changed to love. The problem is, I am not sure how he feels about me. I want to tell him how I feel, but if he rejects me, I am worried this will then ruin what has become a very important friendship.

“Should I tell him? And do you think he feels the same way about me? Of course, this is all online at the moment – we’ve never actually met face to face.”

Fiona says…

“He might indeed feel the same way, and has only held back because he wasn’t sure how you felt about him!Alternatively, he may regard this as a good friendship and no more. There is no way of you knowing this (any more than I can) unless you try to find out.

“I would suggest caution though, as there’s not much you can do to progress this relationship presently with restrictions in place – so what will you achieve if you push for an answer now? Under normal circumstances, I’d be suggesting you propose getting together for a coffee or an after-work drink. You can’t do that though, and if you were to start trying to push for a romantic edge to your online relationship, you could risk losing it.

“It sounds as if you’re both working from home and that, in your case at least, you’re feeling isolated and lonely. That makes your regular contact with this man a vital link for you, and whether his feelings are romantic or not, you’re obviously important to him as well right now. In other words, you both need this friendship right now, and as it can’t progress to anything more intimate until lockdown ends, why risk it?

“Once we’re all free to move around again then I’d still caution you to tread carefully. Maybe suggest meeting for that coffee first rather than an after-work drink, just to see how it goes. You don’t want to ruin a good working relationship and although you believe you’ve fallen for him, when you meet him ‘in the flesh’, you may find you feel differently.

“Keep things relaxed to begin with and see where they lead. If you find you really do like him and he seems willing to spend time with you but doesn’t give you any clues as to his feelings, you could be the one to move things forward. Suggest a dinner rather than coffee; if you get some good news, tell him you’d like to celebrate it with someone important to you. Hopefully, with enough dropped hints, he’ll take the message that you’re keen to date. If he doesn’t, you won’t have lost anything and will still retain a friend.”

If you have a problem you need help with, email Fiona by writing to [email protected] for advice. All letters are treated in complete confidence and, to protect this privacy, Fiona is unable to pass on your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence.