Maya Jama and Stormzy: Can you make it work with an ex?
Love Island host Maya Jama and rapper Stormzy have been photographed holding hands together on holiday in Greece – four years after their break up.
Jama, 29, and Stormzy – real name Michael Omari Owuo Jr – 30, first met in October 2014, before either of their careers had taken off and started dating in January the following year.
In 2018, the Vossi Bop rapper marked their anniversary on Instagram by posting: “Three years with the love of my life”. But by 2019, they had parted ways.
Jama told ES Magazine at the time of the split that “everybody just sees it as entertainment”. Meanwhile Stormzy sang on his track Lessons: “You gave me the world and then I gave you disrespect. Hand on my heart, this is my biggest of regrets.”
So, years on, what would a relationship expert say about getting back together if you’re in a similar situation?
“Getting back with your ex shouldn’t be a decision that you make lightly,” says Gillian Myhill, dating expert and co-founder of dating app Sizzl. “If you’re looking to make it work, there are several factors that you need to consider.”
Examine what wasn’t working previouslyYou broke up for a reason so it’s important to assess the relationship, what was and wasn’t working, and why you broke up in the first place, she says.
“Consider how much time has passed since you decided to end the relationship. You both may have changed as people, and grown and learned some life lessons.”Take responsibility for wrongdoing
We’ve all probably done or said things we regret, so own it.
“It’s also important to look at your role in the relationship and take responsibility for any wrongdoing or neglect and ask yourself honest questions about whether you can approach the relationship and your ex differently,” Myhill says.
Take your time
It might be wise not to rush.“If you’re considering getting back with your ex, I’d recommend taking things slowly and cautiously, giving yourselves space both individually and as a couple to figure things out.”
She advises setting boundaries and expectations of what you need and make it clear what you want from the relationship, while respecting your partner’s boundaries too – and even considering couple’s therapy.
“You need to be able to trust your ex, and yourself, and you may need to have difficult conversations that involve confronting the past,” she says, “and you’ll need to make sure you’re ready for that.
“But it’s also important that you make a very conscious decision to move on, start afresh and be ready to forgive.”Think about the people around youNot everyone may be on board, Myhill points out.
“You may need to prove yourself or your partner may need to prove themselves. Discuss with your family and friends and ask for time, support and patience in helping you figure this out.”
Much like Jama and Stormzy, a holiday might be what you need.
“I recommend taking a break as a couple, going away for the weekend to remove yourself from judgement and other people’s opinions so you can work things out together and impartially,” says Myhill.Ask the difficult questions“It’s really important that you follow your intuition and ask yourself the hard questions. Is this right for you? Will you be happier in the relationship than out of it? Are you prepared to forgive and move on? Have they changed? Are you doing it for the right reasons?”
If you can’t answer these questions “fully, honestly and positively” Myhill says it might be time to close that chapter and move on.
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