19 July 2021

Got the ‘Freedom Day’ fear? How to handle peer pressure to get ‘back to normal’

19 July 2021

It might be dubbed ‘Freedom Day’, but for a lot of people, it feels quite the opposite.

Amongst rising infection rates, the knock-on angst of being hit by the ‘pingdemic’ and looming fear of heading for another lockdown if we don’t ‘get this right’, the pressure feels incredibly high right now.

For some, this might include peer pressure. Because for every cautious Colin or let’s-stay-sensible Sally out there, there’s the friend or relative who just wants everything to go ‘back to normal’ now that restrictions are ending. How can we make dealing with this a bit easier?

Accept we might not all feel the same way

Regardless of what’s officially ‘allowed’, feeling safe and doing things at our own pace is vital – and that might not look the same for all of us. Simply accepting this, rather than letting it become a battleground, could remove a big chunk of stress for us all.

“The easing of restrictions was always going to cause friction, because there are so many unanswerable questions left,” says psychotherapist and Counselling Directory member Beverley Blackman (counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellors/beverley-blackman).

“Depending on how lockdown has been for people, and whether they’ve been ill, lost loved ones, lost jobs, have Long Covid, etc – and also depending on which generation they are – it’s expectable and normal that everyone will have different views on restrictions being lifted. It feels important to be in a position whereby you can take account of others’ views and respect them, even if they do not match your own.”

Suggest alternative ways to socialise

Not ready for big nights out or busy parties? That’s totally OK, but social interaction and feeling connected with loved ones is still important – so how about being proactive and suggesting plans you do feel comfortable with?

“It’s perfectly OK to say no – don’t forget that,” says Blackman. “But if you don’t want to go to a nightclub with your friends, suggest that you meet them for a coffee or drink outside another day. Everyone’s experience and consequent mindset will be shaped by what they have been through, and friendships are valuable – so finding ways to compromise and meet up – that suits everyone – is beneficial.

Friends chatting outside

“Whether it’s big groups or small groups, or just meeting one-to-one – it’s all doable, and all contributes to maintaining friendships and good relationships.”

Be honest about how you’re feeling

Remember, your friends, family and colleagues may not be aware of how you’re feeling, and it’s OK to communicate that. This doesn’t mean we have to make a big deal out of over-explaining everything, and neither does it mean anyone has the right to police whose reasons are valid or not. But telling people how you’re feeling might take a weight off your shoulders.

“It may be a good idea to state why you are choosing to act as you do,” says Blackman. “If you are able to concisely and politely explain your rationale for the boundary you’re putting in, and encourage others to see your point of view, it may save bad feeling or conflict. Remember to be kind and respectful of others, but firm in what you are communicating.”

Remember it’s a two-way street

Find saying no and communicating boundaries super stressful? It takes practise, for sure. However, a great way to remove the angst and guilt we might feel is to remember it’s a two-way street. The better we become at recognising and honouring our own needs, the better we become at accepting them in others – without judgement, without the urge to interrupt/tell them they shouldn’t feel that way/fix things, and without taking things personally.

Friends talking

“Communication at this point in time is so important. Awareness of how you are feeling, and your ability to communicate that so people listen and take account of you, are going to be very handy skills to have,” says Blackman. “And remember to be kind – others may have reservations that you do not. Ask them to share a little of their experiences, so you understand where they are. The more we communicate, the more we learn of others’ thoughts and feelings – and the easier it is to take account of friendships and doing things differently.”

This is just another bend in the road

Crazy overwhelmed right now? We hear you! It feels never-ending, right? Try to remember it’s just another twist in the road we’re navigating.

“This period will be strange for a lot of people; while we are hopeful that this is ‘back to normal’, it really isn’t. This period will be about negotiating how much of our old norm we want or need to keep, and how we move forward. We cannot realistically just snap back to pre-Covid times, because the world is a different place,” says Blackman.

“So, stay mindful, learn about others, take account of yourself and how you are feeling, check in on how those around you are doing, and be kind. It will get easier, but this particular bend in the road needs negotiating first.”

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