11 December 2020

I’m a mum of young children and feel isolated – how can I become more positive?

11 December 2020

I’ve got a baby and a two-year-old and am feeling very isolated because of the pandemic restrictions. What can I do to feel more positive, and improve life for my children in the run-up to Christmas?

Child psychotherapist Becky Saunders, head of policy and development at Home-Start (home-start.org.uk), a network of trained volunteers helping families with young children through challenging times, says: “As parents we can often be our own worst critic, and easily feel judged. An important part of taking care of yourself is to acknowledge the feelings you’re having, and remind yourself they’re valid.

“Babies and young children will have big feelings right now too; they may feel happy about spending more time with you and unhappy about other things they’re missing. Show them you’re trying to understand their feelings.

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“It might sound impossible, but it helps to try and get enough sleep. When children nap and you can choose between joining them or catching up with the washing, don’t be afraid to opt for the snooze. Sleep is revitalising, and good health is vitally important for you and your children.

The small hours in the morning can be when you feel most lonely if you have a young baby who needs to be fed or won’t settle. Don’t feel you have to struggle alone. Contact your health visitor, or visit the Home-Start website for information and links to services to support babies’ sleep.

“Prioritise quality time together and don’t set unrealistic goals. With the added pressures of Christmas and the pandemic, it’s easy to blame yourself for not achieving lots every day. Remember that providing stability and building nurturing relationships with your children is what they need most of all.

Beautiful young mom and blonde toddler boy, sitting in cozy living romm, decorated for Christmas

Don’t worry if other things drop off the ‘to do’ list and don’t let what you haven’t achieved add to a pile-up of guilt. When parents are stressed, babies and young children can pick up on these feelings, and their worries come out in all kinds of ways, including in their behaviour.

“It’s not always possible, especially in this period, but if you can, try to stay calm in front of your child. If tempers flare, take a deep breath and count to 10 in your head. Pause until you can respond more calmly and thoughtfully – children learn from us how to manage their own difficult feelings.

“Don’t suffer in silence. When we’re not seeing each other face-to-face it can be harder to notice when people seem out of sorts, and at this time we can easily become more isolated.

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“Over the Christmas period, plan in some time to be in touch with friends or other trusted adults. Use catch-ups to tell people close to you how you’re feeling and if you’re struggling, and don’t be afraid to ask directly for practical help. If you can’t call on friends and family, reach out to a service like Home-Start.”

Home-Start and the food redistribution charity FareShare are set to benefit from the John Lewis and Waitrose Give a Little Love campaign (johnlewis.com/content/give-a-little-love), which aims to raise £5m through a nationwide effort to encourage people to embrace the Christmas spirit by making a charity donation, buying campaign products with profits donated to the charities, and helping in their local community. 

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